A Filipino, a Black man, and a White guy are in a bar having a drink. A gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, "Whoever can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' in a creative sentence can have me for tonight."
So the White guy says, "I love liver and cheese."
She says, "That's not good enough."
The Black man says, "I hate liver and cheese."
She says, "That's not creative either."
Finally, the Filipino says, "Liver alone, cheese mine!"
(live her alone shes mine)!
A visiting Kapampangan kababayan was in New York City and it was a particularly windy day. He was standing by a bus stop when the wind blew and raised the skirt of a nice American lady standing near him.
He smiled at her (wanting to make conversation) and said, "It's hairy, isn't it?" (What he meant to say was that it was "airy" - mahangin or windy)
The American lady got mad and hit him with her umbrella and said, "Well, what did you expect - feathers?!"
A man reads a book in bed next to his wife and his finger went to tease his wife's pussy.
Wife asks "you want sex?"
"No, just to wet my finger to turn the page.
Teenage Girl!!!
Anak: Dad, i'm fifteen na... pwede na ba akong mag-bra?
Dad: Di pwede!
Anak: But dad, all my frends wear bra na.
Dad: Tumigil ka "BADONG" baka sipain kita!!!
There once was a lady who was tired of living
with men who were either physically abusive, who
ran away from her, or who were horrible in bed.
So she put an Ad in the paper, that was asking
for a man who:
1) would treat her nicely
2) wouldn't run away from her,
3) would be good in bed.
Three weeks passed, and there was no reply from
any man. So she just figured that there wasn't a
man alive who could live up to these expectations, so she just gave up. But then, one day she heard the doorbell rang. She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs. The man said "I'm here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run away from you."
The woman replied, "Yes, but are you good in
bed?"
And the man said with a smirk on his face, "How
do you think I rang the doorbell?"
There were two nuns..
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for
the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes
at the most! What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me.
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.
hehehe! 
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